Okay, so just now I read the comments on
this lovely Lemon Gloria post about love from yesterday...and
The Girl Who Craves' emotional version....and
the original NY Times piece.
And since I have nothing else to write about today but love is all around (maybe I'll watch Love Actually tonight - one of my favorite movies)....here are descriptions of the loves I carry around in my heart....
The Harmless Pest
You had a crush on me throughout elementary school and weren't shy about it. I didn't share your sentiment and declined your innocent advances year after year as nicely as I could. But you never gave up hope. Looking back, I find that endearing. I didn't enjoy the attention and still don't like attention especially in public....maybe you are the reason why. I changed schools after 5th grade, we saw each other our freshman year of high school when my volleyball team was matched up against the team from your school and you attended the game. You shouted at me in the hallway and I smiled and politely said "Hello". I'm confident you've forgotten all about me and boldly pursued someone who is just like you and I hope the two of you are happy.
Pen Pals
You were the new kid in school and I adored you the moment I laid eyes on you. On my 15th birthday in the Fall you gave me a present. Until then, I didn't know you liked me. You took my hand in yours and I felt tingles all over and I'd never felt tingly before. You were a bit of a bad boy, I was naive and followed all the rules. We said "I Love You". Our time together lasted 12 weeks or so then you moved to the East Coast. We wrote letters (snail mail letters written by hand, placed in an envelope with a postage stamp) to each other for 8 years through high school and college but lost touch when you moved to Jamaica. Now we're friends on Facebook. We spoke on the phone a couple of years ago, I was married at the time and you recently moved to Houston. You served in the military, became a father but your marriage ended and your children lived with your former spouse. After all this time, you'd kept the letters I'd written and collages I made for you in a box at your parents house. I kept all your letters and the stuffed animal from my 15th birthday in a box in the closet under the stairs. We haven't seen one another since age 15 and now you live in New York state.
The Standard Bearer
My high school sweetheart - you have a heart of gold. Funny, athletic, smart, confident, responsible, thoughtful, you always did the right thing. Your twin brother was nothing like you, always in trouble but you looked up to him and your family of 4 was incredibly close. I didn't tell my parents you were my boyfriend because you and I are not of the same race and Mom and Dad didn't approve of that type of relationship. So I lied to my parents, I felt I had no choice. The lies caught up to me eventually which caused a lot of trouble and pain for us and our parents. We dated all through high school but couldn't go to prom or the Homecoming dance together.....all of our time as a couple was spent at your parents house, a friend's house, at school or on the phone. You were a year ahead of me in school and a collegiate athlete but still made time to call and write me letters (snail mail variety). In the three years we were together, my parents seemed to be the source of all of our troubles. We were in love and certain we would get married after college. That didn't happen, we broke up in the Fall of my freshman year but remained friends. I went with you to look at engagement rings for the lady who is now your wife and Mom to your kiddos. When I moved to Austin, you lived here and we met for lunch and talked about our jobs, families and relationships. We kept in touch when you moved to Philly to get an MBA from Wharton - your dream - and while you worked on Wall Street. Now you live in Dallas with your beautiful family and are an amazing father, husband, brother, son and friend. You've grown and fulfilled your potential but haven't changed. Last year when my life was broken, you called me every month and we had dinner when you were in town. We've grown up together in a lot of ways and your opinion carries weight with me. We want nothing but happiness for one another. I remember our times together in high school but not in the context of boyfriend/girlfriend because our friendship is stronger than a high school courtship. You're one of the greatest people I know.
The Stranger
One night in college, I was standing outside the student center waiting for my boyfriend. We were planning to celebrate a job offer he'd accepted so I was dressed up for the occasion. This was college so most of my clothes were from The Gap or American Eagle. A student came up to me, a boy, and said "You're beautiful. I was walking by and saw you in the light and came over here to tell you....you're beautiful. And now that I see your smile, I'm glad I came over." I blushed and said Thank You, How Very Kind and It's Nice To Meet You. He walked away and I never saw him again and my boyfriend arrived shortly after and the evening proceeded as planned. I remember this moment for it's sincerity - we both knew it was just a moment, nothing more. He wasn't hitting on me just speaking his mind and I graciously accepted the compliment and we respectfully parted ways.
College Sweetheart
We met as strangers on Easter Sunday at the rec center pool on campus, you asked if I was studying and I was. We had dinner that night at Olive Garden and from then on, we were inseparable. We fell in love quickly.
You were the smartest person I'd ever met, something I admired and envied. You were tall and handsome, two years older than me and helped with my calculus homework. You told great stories, we laughed a lot. You loved Texas A&M like I did, although you attended college far from home on purpose and I attended A&M because it was like a second home, a second family. I was fascinated by you and wanted to know everything about you. You adored and understood me and I was one of the few people you let close to you. You could read people and understand the darker things about the world I didn't. We were committed to one another all through college, our relationship matured and shaped us. There are very few college memories we don't share. After graduation I moved to Austin and you had one semester left of grad school. You didn't know what your next phase in life would be so you broke up with me.
The Gentleman
We met at an all-night charity event called Relay for Life and got to know one another by staying up all night talking on the outfield grass of the Dell Diamond and walking around the stadium lit with luminaries in memory of your Mom and people in the community fighting cancer. The following year, my Dad would be diagnosed with cancer and I remember all the things you shared about your Mom. We worked for the same company and in the same building but not in the same organization. You were older than me and had a home mortgage. I had been through a break-up 5 months prior so it was nice to have fun and smile again and you were easy to get along with. You were a gentleman although sometimes cocky or immature. I baked cookies for you to show I cared. We spent Memorial Day on Lake Austin and you talked about our future and I wanted to see it but I'd given my heart to someone else. You were a sweetheart but it didn't work out between us. You married, moved to Oklahoma where you attended college and have the family you always wanted. I never doubted you would.
The Mystery
We broke up in December just after I moved to Austin but my heart was still yours. In July, we reconciled despite the fact you had accepted a job offer in Florida. You moved from College Station to Florida for 10 days then decided to come back and move in with me. It wasn't planned, you never made plans. You didn't have a job and we'd been apart for 8 months but we loved each other and you found a job here right away and we liked living together. During the months we spent apart, it occurred to me that I might not get married, life might not work out as I'd envisioned. Having you in my life again felt so right. I knew I wanted a family and that started with you.
We spent holidays with my family who loved you, you and my brother became good friends and you knew one of my sisters from college. When I was 24 you asked me to marry you under the Century Oak tree on campus and I accepted. You asked my Dad first, which he appreciated. After 6 years together at age 25 and 27, we took marriage vows in a church across the street from campus surrounded by friends and family.
I was happily married. We bought a house, adopted a Golden Retriever, planted trees and a garden in our yard. We sat on the porch in rocking chairs or went for walks every night and told one another about our day, hopes and struggles. We took trips just the two of us to New York for Christmas and San Francisco and for our anniversary. You wrote me beautiful cards in your neat handwriting. We spent all our time together. When I photographed a wedding for the first time by myself, you were there with a smile as my "equipment manager". We didn't argue often but when we did, we spoke different languages in soft voices and tears usually streamed down my face but never yours. We are both analysts and think alike but our personalities are opposite - you take risks, are spontaneous and selfish. But you were an introvert, a software developer dressed in polos and khakis, not leather jackets and tattoos. I loved learning new things about you because I could love you that much more. At parties, I would overhear you saying the kindest things about me, about your wife. I was proud to be your wife and have you as my husband.
One day you decided you didn't want to be married anymore so you left and never came back. You cried that night, in shock I didn't but my tears would come soon and not stop for a long time. You got a couple of tattoos and a loft apartment downtown. I was blind-sided, heartbroken, abandoned, your leaving felt like death. You still live in Austin and call me, out of guilt I think, and we have conversations. I don't know you anymore. I love the person I knew but he only exists in my heart and mind. I've processed all the emotions but I'll never understand. You don't look for the good in others or believe people are good and you're not an optimist. And that made things difficult for us I suppose. I won't be surprised if you get married again and soon. Nothing you do will ever surprise me again. I wish you happiness, I really do.
The First Date
You were in my photography class 5 years ago. We were both professionals, working full time and studying photography on the side. I barely knew you, I only remember that you were nice and an accountant. When the semester ended we exchanged business cards. Last March I sent you and email. I had no idea how bold that was. I didn't have expectations or a crush on you, I only hoped to find someone with a similar interest and spend time outside the house.
You responded, you didn't remember what I looked like but proposed taking photos at a museum on the UT campus. We met at the museum that weekend, I felt at ease with you and accepted your invitation to lunch that day and dinner and a movie a week or so later. I didn't know it was a date until after the movie when you asked if I was seeing someone.
You were perfect on paper - smart, close to your family, practical, responsible and interesting. I liked that you were from Vermont and so proud of where you were from. You had a label maker - I thought that was hot. We went out a few times and had a good time. You were the first person I kissed since my marriage ended - the first person in 13 years. And you didn't know that and it wasn't all I was thinking about because it just happened. In the end, you said you would call but didn't. It's too late now but I remain disappointed because you were supposed to be one of the good guys. I wish you well, though, because you're a fellow photographer and I did grow to care about you in the few months we spent together.
